STOP Waving Your Finger In Your Teen’s Face! Your Non-verbals Are Just As Powerful As Your Verbals
Although there are different schools of thought on finger pointing, in some cultures pointing at objects with your index finger is unacceptable. In America and European cultures, it is considered rude to point fingers at others because this hand gesture is an indication of a dominant – to – subordinate behavior in the professional world. Dr. Patti A. Wood, M.A., CSP defines finger pointing as; “a potent gesture of power, a symbolic weapon. When you make a fist and thrust your finger, you are symbolically shooting someone, “she says. According to Dr. Clark Gaither, this is not only true in reality, it is true in principal. Most of the time when we begin to assign blame to others we become clueless as to what role or part we played. We fail to accept responsibility for our own actions or in-actions which contributed to the undesirable outcome.”
What Should You Do Instead?
Strategy #1– Engage your teen in open, respectful dialogue that will allow them the opportunity to explain their undesirable behavior or choices. It is essential that you give them the opportunity to talk before you attack them like a rabid animal. Keep in mind that even in a court of law the accused gets an opportunity to explain.
Tip #1 – For Positive Results End Your Talk On a Positive Note!
To get positive results you have to use positive verbal and no-verbal language with your teen. The goal is to engage your teen in positive dialogue where you can share your concerns in open, non-judging dialogue
- Listen – Give Your Teen The Opportunity To Share Their Thoughts
- Explain – Talk With Your Teen About Your Concern(s). Tell Them What They Are and The Reason(s) For Them
- Discuss a Possible Compromise You Both Can Agree To
- Keep The End Goal In Mind. There Is No Need To Attack or Demean Your Teens Character To Make Your Point. There Feelings Are Just As Important As Yours
- Always End Your Conversation On a Positive Note and Let Your Teen Know They Are Loved, Respected, and Valued and Your Sole Interest Is To Assure They Have The Best Opportunity Possible to Realize Their Full Potential
How To Implement Your Strategy?
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Establish Some basic rules
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Agree to mutual respect for each other even though you may have differing views and opinions
Ex: No yelling, No Name Calling, Rolling of Eyes, Finger Pointing, or any other verbal or non-verbal language that is damaging to the other individual.
As Parents, Grandparents, and Other Family Members Who Are Raising a Teen(s) We Have a Responsibility to Teach Our Children To Respect Themselves and Others. How Can They Learn This Important Life Lesson If We Are Unwilling to Be Good Role Models? Respect and Compromise Are Essential Elements to Every Good Relationship. You Can Choose To End The Accusatory Finger Pointing Behavior That Is Killing Your Relationship With Your Teen, Their Self-Esteem, Self-Image and Self-Love. Engaging In This Type of Behavior Also Destroys Communication Between You.
For More On This Blog Series, Earlier Posts and Other Blogs Written By Cheryl Ketchens Please Join Me In Discussion: GreatnessOpensDoors.com. Please Share Yours Comments, Thoughts, Questions and Suggestions. #TeensMatter #EveryYouthDeserves-A-Chance