Cheryl Ketchens
In this 4 part series I will help you identify the 4 critical mistakes every Overwhelmed, Tired, Frustrated, Sleep Deprived Parents, Single Parents, Foster Parent(s), Grand Parent(s), Educators and Administrators make when working with teens and youth.
Mistake #1 – Not Spending Enough Time With Your Youth
Whether you’re a Single Parent, a two Parent family home, Grandparents or an Educator we’re all insanely busy, overwhelmed, stressed out, and sleep deprived. Have we become so… busy that we no longer have the time to spend with our most valuable assets, our youth? We give them lip service to them being the future, our hope for a better world, the next generation to carry on the family legacy and traditions. However, our behaviors and actions toward them are polar opposites. In other words we ignore them, toss money and things at them, offer them vacant promises, and tell them why we’re too busy to spend time with them right now and that we’ll make it up to them later. Oh! Don’t misunderstand. Our promises are sincere when we offer them.
Our expectations of them are disproportionate with what they are capable of delivering. We expect them to behave as adults without showing them how. Some are tall enough to look us eye to eye. Some of them talk back and proclaim they are no longer a child. Some of them drive cars, and stay out late at night. The still fact remains no matter how grown up they appear to be, they aren’t. In fact they are still more child than they are adult, despite their insistence they are no longer a child and do not want to be treated as such.
As a parents, single parents, grandparents, and educators we fail to recognize or accept that they are somewhere between the adult world and the world of the child. As much as we want them to be an adult their maturation is not there yet. Most of us realize that we are not devoting enough time to our youth. Now the question becomes what are we going to do about it?
What 3 Things Can You Do To Spend More Time With Your Youth?
- Have a Date Night with your youth at least once a month. Hanging out with them will be more fun than you realize and you will have a new buddy. Remember they are only your buddy when you’re spending time together. When you’re back at home they need you to be a responsible, mature adult and behave as their parent. After all this is how they model their own adult behavior. This is your opportunity to talk about how things are going at school, and with their friends, Don’t pass up the opportunity to get a snapshot into their world. It may not be as scary as you imagined.
- Watch a movie together – alternate turns in your movie selections. In other words some times you pick and some times they pick. You don’t have to be in full agreement of their selections. Look past the idea that the movie is not appealing to you because it’s not about you. You are bonding with your youth. They’re movie selection will allow you to engage them in dialogue. After the movie you can exchange thoughts and ideas about what they liked most about the movie they chose. You just might be surprised by their response. Now you have your foot in the door and you are establishing a life long bond with your youth. You have gained some insight into their world and the things that they enjoy.
- Little ones can help too… Start small by having them pick up the toys they tossed all over the floor. Why should you bend over and pick them up when they put them there? Turn it into a game where they can have a little fun while learning to do chores at the same time. Soon you won’t have to supervise. All You’ll have to do is tell them that it’s time to pick up and put away their toys. Other chores can also be done of they need to be age appropriate. They can help with simple chores such as picking up there room, helping you make their bed, dusting the furniture in their room. The bottom line here is to let them help you. Training the little ones is time consuming and tedious. However training them while they are young yields big dividends later on when they reach their teen years.
Conclusion – Trying to Do It All!
By Tamara Cohen for the Daily Mail Published: August 20, 2012
When your sweet obident child suddenly turns into a sullen teenager, spending more time with them may seem like the last thing either of you wants to do.
But it will do them the world of good, US researchers say.
They studied 200 families over seven years, and found teenagers who spent more time with their parents tended to have better social skills and higher self-esteem.