Cheryl Ketchens
In this 4 part series I will help you identify the 4 critical mistakes every Overwhelmed, Tired, Frustrated, Sleep Deprived Single Parent, Parents, Foster Parent(s), Grand Parent(s), Educators and Administrators make when working with teens and youth.
Mistake #3 – Critical Mistake #3 – Not Setting Clear and Concise Boundaries For Cell Phones, Computer Use and Other Electronic Devices
As parents most of us have the very best intentions when it comes to our children. We would never knowingly allow anyone to harm, or hurt them. Excluding ourselves of course. We’re the exception, and we have rights because we’re the parents. We tell ourselves that we know what’s best for our children because and that we brought them into this world! We also have big plans for their future. With expectations so… high you would think we would do a better job of protecting our investments. We don’t need to worry about someone else harming them, because we’re doing a pretty good job of it ourselves. The simple fact is that every time we allow our youth to spend hour after hour on their cell phones, computers, notebooks, tablets and other electronic devices we are inviting strangers into our homes. Shocking right? Technology is great! Most of us love it! Technology is not the enemy. We are… Every time your teen uses his or her cell phone they are potentially inviting a stranger(s) into your home. As parents what do we do about it? Very little… We toss our hands in the air in frustration, mumble a few choice words, and the insanity continues. Our exacerbated gestures’s and looks of frustration go unnoticed by our children. Your teen might already be addicted to using their devices, and they do not care about you tossing your hands into the air. Why should they? If you never set any boundaries for them.
What Should You Do Instead?
- Set Reasonable Boundaries – It is easier than you think. Sure most of know that times are different and that many of us did not have cell phones, computers, X-boxes, tablets, notebooks, I-pods, and other electronic devices to worry about. However, like most things those days are gone, and they are pas-tense. However, that does not negate the fact that we can and must set reasonable boundaries for our youth. We can not expect them to do or comply with something we have never asked or required them to do. Sit down with your youth and have an open conversation with them about your concerns, thoughts and or desires about setting some boundaries for use of their electronic and technological devices. Give them clear and concise reasons for your requests and why you feel these changes are in their best interest. Also discuss with them some proposed thoughts, or ideas that will help them as well as you transition to other family activities. Remember you are the parent, the responsible adult. So exercise your parental authority to protect your child. They are incapable of doing it for themselves because they lack the maturation or decision making abilities that comes with age. Their health and well being are ours to protect…
- Engage Your Youth In Family Activities – You’ve taken their cell phones, tablets. I-pods and other electronic devices. Now what? The what is the time you now have to devote to keeping them engaged and getting to know and understand them better. Maybe time outside playing a family game or just the two of you. Routinely taking a walk together is also a good activity. Turn your walking activity into a friendly competition to see who can log the most miles each day. Let them help with a few light chores daily, and be very purposeful in telling them know how much you value and appreciate them, and how proud you are of them and the maturity they are showing. Compliments always have and always will earn big brownie points. Keep daily activities consistent so your teen is regularly engaged. Eventually they will begin having a good time and they won’t miss the phone or other devices nearly as much. All they really, really want is a little of our time. Surly we can find some?
- Lead By Example – Your Teen is reliant on you to set a good example, so you absolutely must follow your own rules. No phones or devices for either of you either. Remember you’re the role model here and you have to walk your talk if you expect the behavior and actions that you expect from your teen. It’s not so much what we say but what we do and say with our non-verbal’s. If we want our teens to respect us and our rules we must abide by them ourselves. Teens are way to smart to fall for those tired old words; “you better do as I say because I’m the parent.” That will only take you so… far. In order to limit their time and exposure to cell phones, tablets and other devices we have to set positive, responsible boundaries that accommodate the needs of the entire family.
Conclusion – Critical Mistake #3 – Not Setting Clear and Concise Boundaries For Cell Phones, Computer Use and Other Electronic Devices
Let’s face it, technology is here to stay so the ball is in our court. We have to set reasonable expectations and boundaries that the entire family can live with. Setting these boundaries are not optional if you want to maintain a healthy, happy, and rewarding relationship with your teen . They really aren’t aliens from another planet like we sometimes think they are. There isn’t a space ship in your back yard waiting to swoop them up and take them into the hemisphere. Guess what you’re stuck with them. Believe it or not that’s a good thing, so gather all your family members together and have a family meeting. Map out plan that everyone is involved in. Set a few rules and make sure they are clear and that all families agree to and understand them. Make sure you discuss replacement activities that will bring the family closer together. Setting clear, concise boundaries and expectations will ultimately benefit the entire family. According to EdTech – Focus On Higher Education – Students are technology natives. Using technology is second nature to students. They have grown up with it and incorporate it into almost every aspect of their lives. Notebooks, tablets and cellphones are all technology. Mark Gregston Author of Ten Ways to Build a Relationship with Your Teenager says that “Every good thing in life has its rules and boundaries, including your relationship with your teen. Let them know where they can and can’t “go” in your relationship. Tell them what you expect, before something challenges those expectations. Clearly establish your belief system and household rules. Being too lax as a parent and trying to act more as their friend and peer will hurt, not help, your relationship.” Don’t be afraid to own your responsibility as a parent. Negotiate boundaries and set limits that everyone can agree on…